The breakdown of a relationship can be a difficult time for not only the parties to that relationship, but also for their children.
To help your child or children through the separation of their parents, it is important to remember that they are children and to let them be children. Separation can be an emotional and stressful time in someone’s life and with those emotions can come conflict.
To a child, separation of their parents isn’t harmful but being exposed to conflict between their parents is.
Here are some tips which can help you support your child or children in dealing with the separation of their parents:-
Do
- Talk about the other parent to your child or children, or in their presence in a positive way.
- Talk to your child or children about how they are feeling and provide them with assurance that everything is going to be ok.
- Encourage your child or children to have a meaningful and loving relationship with the other parent.
- Tell your child or children you love them and always will.
- If your child or children ask questions about matters arising from your separation, tell them you are working it out with the other parent.
- Talk to the other parent about difficulties your child or children may be having and work with the other parent to address any issues together.
Don’t
- Look to your child or children for emotional support.
- Include your child or children in adult conversations about your separation or allow them to be present during these conversations.
- Ask your child or children to pass on messages to the other parent.
Whilst it is important to protect your child or children from conflict, there may come a time when your child or children wish to be heard and for what they want to be considered.
There is no magic age when a child’s wishes can be considered. It comes down to your child and their maturity and understanding. In the eyes of Family Law, if a child expresses who they want to live with or how much time they want to spend with each of you, it should be the genuine desire of the child and free from influence. At the end of the day however, it comes down to what is in your child or children’s best interests. That could align with what your child or children wish, or something else.
Healthy communication between you and the other parent about your child or children can assist to keep matters amicable. A communication book can be of assistance to separated parents to facilitate and keep record of communication relating to their child or children. If you feel that a communication book may be useful to you, see our free printable “Communication Book” here.
